Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
We humans, we like our routines. We like the way they feel to us, we like being able to sink down into them like you might sink into an old barcalounger. We like being able to put things on autopilot and cruise through the pre-determined course of our week. But every now and then, something happens that will throw you off track, that will cause a minor fender-bender in your subconscious, that will make you sit up and take notice.
December 30, 2010 was a Wednesday, which meant I went to my Wednesday night Bikram yoga class like I do every other Wednesday. Except this time as I lay on my mat waiting for class to start, it felt different. Something nagged at the hem of my yoga pants like an anxious child. That something was déjà vu.
I had been in the same place, on the same mat, on the same floor one year earlier. I had been there physically just as I was now, my back stretched out against the wood beams, my skin warming to the heat of the room, my muscles stretching and releasing. Except my mind had been a million light years away; it had been tracing over and over and over the events of the day to come. A day—New Year’s Eve Day—when I would walk out of my office for the final time. A day when I would say goodbye to co-workers I had known for almost five years. A day when I would leave behind security and stability for something … more.
When I think of December 31, 2009, I think of doorways. I think of waiting at the threshold, of my hand on the knob. I think of that in-between place that hovers between an ending and a beginning. I think of the breath you take just before you leave one space behind in search of another.
December 30, 2009, was the day that I was preparing myself to take this step, preparing my mind and body for the motions they would have to go through to make this change complete. On December 30, 2010, I had already walked through the doorway and come out the other side.