We’ve had a lot of one-sided conversations this year. Lots of conversations where I cried and begged and said things that made me my clap my hand over my mouth after they burst forth, because I was so shocked to hear them vibrating into existence, with such certainty, right in front of me.
It didn’t seem exactly right, me spilling my guts while he remained pretty silent and unknown. So of course I Google-stalked him. I out found that he always carries a book. And also that he speaks Greek. And also that his father was allegedly murdered.
Those things known, I learned the most about us both when he revealed himself in unspoken ways. (In this excellent diagram of the Hero’s Journey, these would be the points labeled “supernatural aid” or “helper.”) This is also the part of this post when you realize I’m sounding a little wackadoo, and that’s ok. Because really, call me crazy or not, there are symbols and instances that appear when you ask for them that are just too poignant to be of this world. They are too serendipitous to be anything less than a big, giant sign from those guiding you that says "HEY YOU, it's time to pay attention."
This year I learned to absorb these moments, despite my clumsy and often ham-fisted attempts to dissect them. I learned to bring this faith into my circle of beliefs, which if it siddled up to the circle of beliefs of my church, would resemble something like a Venn diagram with a small overlap in the middle.
But in that sweet spot of intersection I found him. The idea of a connectedness with all of those on the other side makes sense to me. And having a patron saint to call on, well. That’s sort of like having your own personal superhero in your back pocket.
Yes, I really do have a St. Jude magnet on my fridge. Prompt via Kaileenelise.com.
i don't know squat about the saints, but i do know that i love this post. love it.
Posted by: wholly jeanne | December 13, 2011 at 08:57 PM
Thanks, lady! I really appreciate that because I was really unsure about putting this post up. Faith has become more important to me this year, but at the same time, I just never know how to talk about religion here ...
Posted by: Noel | December 14, 2011 at 06:03 AM
Are you also a Catholic?
Posted by: Meredith | December 14, 2011 at 08:26 AM
It's hard to know where to look for His side of the conversation isn't it! But if you're seeking, that's part of it...
Posted by: Abigail | December 14, 2011 at 09:33 AM
@Meredith--I am! This year has been interesting because I explored my relationship with faith a lot more. As I mentioned in the post, some things really strike a cord, while others I struggle with because my own personal beliefs are very different. I hope the way I wrote about it was all right; writing about faith is tough! I want to be honest, but also respectful. Do you have the same experience?
Posted by: Noel | December 14, 2011 at 10:10 AM
@Abigail--Exactly. I think my word for 2011 should have been "listen." :)
Posted by: Noel | December 14, 2011 at 10:11 AM
Ahhhh....the saints come marching in to support us in our troubled times.
Posted by: Dragonfly | December 16, 2011 at 07:40 AM
Yes, I agree completely. It can be difficult writing about faith because you never know if you're going to offend someone or turn them off. It's a fine line sometimes. However, I've been pretty successful in talking about Lent without much backlash.
Posted by: Meredith | December 17, 2011 at 04:39 PM
I was so confused for the first few paragraphs, and then when I realized what you were doing (clever!) I read back through again. OH. I love this post.
Posted by: Kimsamsin | February 09, 2012 at 12:03 PM