I spent a lot of last week laughing at myself, realizing how ridiculous I am in my efforts to control the world, when I can’t even control the way I feel minute to minute. My emotions are as wild and unpredictable and as out-of-my-hands as Midwestern weather patterns. I realized this as I sat on my yoga mat, taking a quick mental inventory of the feelings and reactions that had stormed through my consciousness in the past 24 hours.
I woke up that morning expecting excitement and motivation, only to see a thin drizzle of fatigue and irritability. I donned my raincoat and galoshes, preparing for the worst, when the storms turned to sunshowers of hilarity and acceptance. I had to hang on to my umbrella, though; the break in the clouds was only brief. A hailstorm of doubt rolled in, interrupted by sporadic flashes of discontent and a slow, creeping cover of melancholy. By evening the fog had burned off, with the harsh fall weather giving way to Indian summer and the soft sunset feeling of having survived the day.
I’ve started imagining my emotions as one of those time-elapsed weather videos that show the thunderheads rolling in as quickly as they roll out. I’m trying to welcome whatever is coming, because bright or dark, it’s just making way for something else.
I’m especially welcoming the forecast for this week, as according to my daily planner:
I know just how that feels. I'm the same way. It's hard. Sometimes I give in to the melancholy and it helps. But it is a fine line that once crossed over too far, can be hard to cross back. For me at least. I love that picture. This post also reminds me how important it is to be in the moment. Simply that.
Posted by: Tracy Mangold | October 10, 2011 at 04:45 PM
Wow- very good analogy. I know just how you fell.
Posted by: Shannon | October 10, 2011 at 08:25 PM
that experience of the roller coaster of emotions that your are so right about...We have no control. Just waiting to ride out the storm to get to the sunny side. I know you will get there. (:
Posted by: Dragonfly | October 11, 2011 at 08:47 AM
The yoga mat is such a good place to take that inventory, to prepare to release them all and to focus on breath and muscle. The best part? While I read this, the most incredible noisy winds rolled in and blew clouds at top speed past my window, gray ones and white ones cut with sky. It was the perfect scene to read this by.
Posted by: Kim | October 15, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Weather is a great metaphor for emotions. I completely relate to what you've expressed! In Ireland it's common to experience 4 seasons in a day, and my moods are certainly connected to the shifts in my external world. I love how you closed this post, the image of making way for something else... thank you.
Posted by: Zumbalicious_ | October 28, 2011 at 03:22 AM
Ok I could have SWORN I replied to all of these comments and now it's not here. Boo. Thanks all for your feedback! :)
Posted by: Noel | October 28, 2011 at 06:58 AM