French Christmas

Taking a New Name

First there were three little sprinkles of water. One for the Father, one for the Son, and one for the Holy Ghost. And then there was the oil, but not too much of that either. Oil in the shape of the cross on my forehead. Oil after the water, which lead me to inappropriate thoughts about adding a few herbs and making salad dressing. Then there was the lighting of a candle, for me, in honor of my new name, in honor of this new thing I was becoming.

All around us the lilies, hundreds of them, held up their petals like trumpets. And I looked out onto the sea of faces while Aaron’s hand was on my shoulder. And I realized I was still me, but with a piece added. A piece that had been growing inside for the past nine months like a newborn, just waiting for the Easter Vigil to come into the world.

To be honest, I wasn’t always sure of this thing, this new identity that I would bind to myself with water and oil. Over the past nine months I had circled it from the edge of the campfire, watching and waiting. Liking the parts that made me feel warm and comforted and loved. Not liking the parts that seemed to be born of a sharper flame, that appeared to burn those who would step out of boundaries defined by different people in a different time.

I watched and I waited. And eventually I came to see how these things could exist in the same place and, at times, be in conflict with each other. And how could it not be, when faith comes to us from God, but religion is something built by humans, who we all know to be far from perfect. And so I learned to draw closer to the parts of the fire that warmed me, I learned to find the paths that led me there. And I came to see how it could shine light on the gray places, the fuzzy edges of our human existence where opposites can eclipse one another and things don’t seem to make sense. Like in the moment when darkness turns over to morning. Like when insurmountable suffering leads to joy. Like when the destruction of one thing leads immediately to the creation of another.

Before I took on this new name, I had only glimpsed these places and moments, and I didn’t understand them. But now I know how to find them. I know how to tune in. And in taking this new name, it’s my way of saying: I’m here. And I’m listening. And I’m trying.

25%

I blinked. And the first quarter was over.

That means it’s time for a business analysis. And as sterile as it sounds, sometimes I think about my life as a business or a corporation or a machine. And in any good business, when the first financial quarter of the year is over, you have to evaluate. You have to take a good look and see what’s profitable and what’s not, what’s working and what’s broken, what's growing and what's stagnating. Most importantly, you have to look at the progress that’s been made in relation to where you want to be. Are you on an upward trajectory or a downward spiral?

That’s the thing about business people: they’re smart. They’re smart to divide the year into chunks, rather than trying to push change through like a steam roller at the beginning and end of the year. Because, let’s be honest, does that really work for anyone? Does it allow for major catastrophes and minor monkey wrenches that appear over the course of the year to mess with your well-laid plans? Does it allow for adjustments to be made when unexpected opportunities show up with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine? (No, it doesn’t.)

This is the part where I take up the mirror and check in on my New Year’s resolutions/11 things list and see what’s what. You don’t have to come along for the ride, I wont’ be offended. It’s a boring, self-serving blog post, but something I need to do nonetheless. After all, once it’s all in writing and I send it down the river, I have to be accountable for it.

11. Domain Registration
Halfway there. Website domain is registered; blog domain is not.

10. Blog Redesign
Done, thanks to the help of the amazing @solaana!

9. Website Creation
See above.

8. Twitter Account
I’d say the glass is one third full. I have been doing more, but there’s still more I can be doing in regards to my personal account.

7. Guest Posting
I give myself 4% on this. I have one guest post here: Finding It

6. Writing Projects
FAIL—Have I taken part in anything since #reverb10? Nope.

5. $$$$$$
I get a 60% on this. Did I start those new freelance projects? Yes. Do I let other stuff get in the way of working on them as much as I should? Yes.

4. Submit to Print
FAIL—I think I might have submitted something somewhere in January. Or was that February?

3. Read More Books
40%--I did ask for a bunch of my birthday! And I read two of them. And then I got distracted by the Real Housewives of New York marathon. (For shame.)

2. Do It Ever Day
FAIL—I let laundry and bills and work and other stuff totally get in the way of writing on the regular. Plus I regularly fall back on that downy pillow of an excuse: “But I’m just so tired!”

1.Storytell
FAIL—Not gonna lie, this ones scares me more than all the rest combined.

So the progress is decent, but I think the stock holders are going to be looking for a better return in the second quarter.

Reverb10/11 April Prompt: What's blossoming?

I think the flowers are getting stereotyped.

And the buds on the trees, too. And Easter bunnies. Pretty much anything that’s fresh and new in this world, for that matter, is getting short shrifted.

It’s spring; or at least, it’s supposed to be. And when we think of spring, we think of things that are cute and cuddly, soft and fuzzy. Little baby chicks and rabbits and ducks. The soft, almost translucent petals on fresh daffodils. Gentle blossoms waving in warm spring breezes.

But when I look at what’s blossoming around here, these things are anything but delicate and fragile.

These things are wise: from deep inside the Earth, before spring afternoons warm the ground they wrap themselves in, they know when it’s time to start peeling back the layers of winter. While we are all waiting and wondering about their emergence, they’ve already got the date and time of arrival hardwired into the mainframe.

These things are strong: they may look so small, but they endure the treacherous passing from one world into another, from the place of slumber into the place of awakening. And once they arrive, they weather the icy rains and cold blasts April throws at them without so much as a backward glance.

These things, they are brave: in these parts of the country, Spring isn’t a guarantee. The weeks can roll over into May and even June before the sun really reappears. But these newborn things, they take the lead and become the promise we need: that the cold and darkness does have to come to an end, and that the growing season is really just ahead.

Dear Blog

Remember about nine months ago when I apologized for being neglectful and promised to buy you something new and shiny? And you’ve been sitting here waiting for me to get my sh@t together and make good on that promise? Well here it is, a new design via the amazing genius of @solaana, graphic designer and web designer extraordinaire (who also happens to be one of my besties). And on top of your new digs, you also have a big sister to play with over at www.noelrozny.com. (Also designed by @solaana. Seriously seriously, if you need some graphic design or web projects, she’s unreal. You can check more of her stuff out over at www.kristinaogilvie.com, which will be live shortly. 'Cuz she's been working on her own site, but put if off to finish mine. That's just the kind of bad ass friend she is.)

How’s that for a Monday?

XOXO N. :)

PS
Thanks so much to @spacecitypaula and @rkrystalli for the helpful hints and motivation to finally buy my own domain name!

Dear Bloggers, Yes, It Matters

I stumbled across this post a few weeks ago, and it really made me mad. And being mad made me ever more mad, because I think that was partially the point of this post in the first place.

So I wondered why, every time that I’ve sat down to write over the past few weeks, that this post kept popping into my mind, and how its stickiness is all over my fingers like cheap imitation maple syrup.

Is it because in the dim recesses of my brain I’m a little jealous? Jealous that I don’t have 8 gazillion blog subscribers and have not yet found a way to get paid to read all the blogs I want and play on my personal twitter account and write whatever comes into my head exactly when I feel like it? Probably. I mean, I still do these things, but I have to do them on my own time, in my off hours, when I’m done doing them for my real job that pays for things like electricity and health insurance. I have to squeeze them into my morning el ride and trips to the laundromat and while I’m waiting in line at the grocery story.

So yeah, jealous? Sure. But that’s not it. That’s not the only reason I’m pissed off by this post. I’m angry because I feel like it dismissed a lot of work out there that matters to me. Whether dismissal was the intention or not, that’s the feeling I got from those words, that somehow the only messages that matter in this world are the one being read by 8 gazillion readers. And yes, I understand that if 8 gazillion people are all reading the same thing, there’s probably a pretty good reason for it.

But that doesn’t mean that a message or a post or a poem or an article isn’t important if only 100 people read it. Or 10. Or 1. Because if that message gets delivered to someone who desperately needs it exactly that way in exactly that moment, and it has the ability to give them comfort or a deep breath or a kick in the pants (whatever it is that they need), then that’s where the spark is. That’s where the friction becomes flame.

I know, because as I mentioned, I spend a lot of my non-work, non-family/friend time reading blogs. And some of those blogs are by really, really famous people, and some of those blogs are by people who I know will be or could be or who have the potential to be famous and just aren’t yet. And just because 8 gazillion people aren’t reading those blogs at this exact moment doesn’t mean they’re not important. It doesn’t mean that these blogs aren’t allowing these writers to share and stretch and grow, and along they way, help the rest of us share and stretch and grow.

In fact, every time I hop on these blogs that I read on the regular, I manage to find something that pokes an old bruise or wipes the sweat off my forehead or pours me a cup of hot tea on a damp Spring day. They all give me inspiration and exactly what I need exactly when I need it, and for that I am thankful.

So with that in mind, bloggers, know that you matter. Even if you don’t have 8 gazillion readers, even if you only blog on the side when you can, even if you don’t realize it when you hit publish, your words matter. Your messages matter.

And for the record, here are how some of my favorite/bookmarked blog posts have mattered to me, in ways I’m sure the authors never even know about:

• I read this post from @inkytwig every time I have to make a decision and I’m scared to death of it: Beyond the Door.
• We don’t deal with death very well in this country. We like to hide it in a closet and pretend it didn’t happen. So I turn to the bravery and grace of this post from YogaLifeWay: Thunder Snow and @Kimsamsin: Mana.
  
• Sometimes the sh@t hits the fan. This post form @Jenny_Blake helps me remember why, and not to take it so seriously: Live for the Dip .
• Sometimes we have to remember that anything worth having is worth fighting for, and @dianantholis always reminds me of that: Fighting for Love.
• When I have a bad body day, pretty much anything by @CurvyYoga reminds me that our bodies are strong and amazing and that fitting into matchstick jeans has nothing to do with it: www.curvyyoga.com.
• Our world is simultaneously painful and beautiful all at the same time. Sometimes it’s hard to hold these opposites together. This post from @rkrystalli reveals how everything touches on the same circle: Chasing Anemones and Penmanship.
• Sometimes things just really, really hurt. But @mrsmediocitry shows it's all for a reason: Healing.
• Religion is a complicated question I've been dancing around this year. This post from @thumbinmyway always sticks with me: Sanctuary.
• And at the end of the day, we are human. We make mistakes and get second changes. This post from @aggaspletch keeps that fresh in my mind: A Confession.

And the list goes on ...

You know it's really spring ...

When the peep mobile arrives!

Photo via: Me

Limousine Wisdom

Yes, I concur.

Photo via: Me. I spray painted the guy's license plate (in Paint, not in real life), because I feel like if I had something awesome written on the side of my car, so awesome that people would want to take pictures of it and put it on their blogs, I probably wouldn't want my license plate number floating around the internet.