I hate the grocery store this time of year.
I hate the bursts of pink balloons floating above the noisy check out lines. I hate the row after row after row of corn-syrup confections dyed in the supposed colors of love. I hate the guilt-inducing, last-minute, limp-petaled rose bouquets for husbands who forgot.
It’s not that I hate Valentine’s Day: I hate what it has come to represent.
I’ve written about this once before because it’s very dear to my heart. I think here in America, we’ve gotten love wrong. We’ve substituted romance for love, passion for patience, hookups for partnerships. This whole month, this whole holiday, has become the manifestation of every wrong street we’ve turned down, every instance in which we’ve pushed love down the stairs and thumbed our nose at it. Because, unlike the vast majority of things in this country, love can never be, and never will be, a commodity. But we’ve tried like hell to turn it into one anyways. And it’s poisoning us.
This year, however, there is an antidote.
Elisa Doucette, aka the amazing writer behind Ophelia’s Webb, has started a series devoted to love: this year's is called the Pas de Deux. This series lasts for one month – the month of February. Every day one writer talks about love in every way, shape, tone and voice imaginable. This is not your typical fairytale ending, De Beers engagement ring, knight-on-a-white-horse love story. This is the real thing: love when it’s tough, love when it’s fleeting, love when it’s MIA, love when it shows up unexpectedly, love when it’s miraculous.
In other words, it’s the real love. I’m thrilled to be participating in this series and discussing love and what it means with some amazing people throughout the month of February. I do hope you’ll join us!
PS
Can you believe it’s already February? Where did the month of January go??
you are so spot on with the whole V-day thing. I look forward to following this series of "real" love, warts and all.
Posted by: Shannon | January 31, 2011 at 04:35 PM
Hey, hey--it's not February until tomorrow--there's still time!!!
I agree too about all the Valentine's crap; I only enjoy the day if I make sure that I use it to send messages of affection to everyone I love, rather than making it be about the stupid idea of Romance the stores sell (along with their candies and jewelry and whatever else).
Posted by: Olivia V. Ambrogio | January 31, 2011 at 04:56 PM
At this house, we don't go out of our way for Valentine's Day, just because it's really good the whole rest of the year. There's no topping it.
I'm going to copy that link into my reader right now. Thanks for letting me know about it! I love when the Internet gets organized into projects like this one.
Posted by: Kim | January 31, 2011 at 06:25 PM
Agreed, however, I DO enjoy receiving chocolate from others though. :) I'm not mad about that.
Posted by: Diana Antholis | January 31, 2011 at 09:48 PM
Amen. So looking forward to reading all the thoughts.
Posted by: Roxanne | February 01, 2011 at 06:38 AM
One of my favorite lines from a TV show is from Will & Grace: "It's just this whole day, it's like an evil conspiracy. Created by the greeting card people and the flower people and the candy people. Well, not the candy people. They do...God's work."
Like so many other things, what started as a much more beautiful celebration of love has turned into a pink & red massacre on the supermarket isles, complete with sense of fear and dread for anyone not "able" to celebrate the upcoming holiday.
Can't wait to see your stuff go up and discussion to start - thank you so much for participating!
Posted by: Opheliaswebb | February 01, 2011 at 06:46 AM
I'll have to check it out! I do so agree though. For me, Valentine's Day reminds me of frilly old-fashioned chocolate hearts presented on those fancy heart-shaped lace paper doilies (what are they called?) and my grandma. So it is a pleasant comforting memory that I cling to. I never really connected with romance. My husband and I don't really go crazy on "holiday" specified days. We don't feel the "need". AnneShirley and I make homemade valentines for family and call it good.
Posted by: Tracy Mangold | February 01, 2011 at 07:40 AM
First, thanks so much to all of you for the feedback!
@Shannon -- I couldn't agree more! Love has warts, but dealing with those warts gets you to the good stuff.
@Olivia--I love this idea of sending love to ALL of the important people in your life, not just your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/snugglebunny. I'm embracing that idea this year as part of this love revolution! Thank you!
@Kim -- that's so true, and my boyfriend and I talk about this all the time: if you're in a good relationship, you don't need one day to celebrate it, because you celebrate it every day in little ways. And if you have to put on a big show on Valentine's Day to make up for misdeeds throughout the year, your relationship is probably in need of some fixing. I'm glad to hear you have such an awesome relationship! :) Also, I agree -- the power of internet projects is amazing. I love having initiatives like these to look forward to!
@Diana -- Yes. You are so right about that. Any holiday that involves chocolate cannot be all bad. :)
@Roxanne--me too! And we get one every day for the whole month, how cool is that? Kinda like #reverb10 ... but for love! :)
@Elisa, I love this line: "what started as a much more beautiful celebration of love has turned into a pink & red massacre on the supermarket isles" ... EXACTLY! and I REMEMBER that episode! Is that the one where Grace ends up dating a guy that rights greeting cards? I especially remember her saying that "the candy people do God's work." So. True. And thank YOU for starting this awesome series! :)
@Tracy--That is a lovely memory, and what Valentine's Day should be ... pretty lace paper and homemade heart cards. If it's made by hand, there's so much more love in it (versus the $500 "love basket" I saw in a monthly gift catalog I get, that I probably need to discontinue because I can never afford anything in it).
Posted by: Noel | February 01, 2011 at 08:10 AM
Ha!Ha! yes love has warts. The challenge becomes can I live with the warts depending on there size and depth. Because as we all know some warts are impossible to remove.
Posted by: Dragonfly | February 02, 2011 at 08:24 AM
very cool! I will check out the site!
Posted by: Babs | February 02, 2011 at 12:21 PM
The writing, including yours, on Ophelia's Webb is quite outstanding. She should create a book from the series.
@Valentine's Day...you are absolutely right that it is now too commercialized and fake. While my husband and I recognize the day it is the first one I would give up if we had to deselect one from our celebrated days.
Posted by: ExpatOnTheGo | February 03, 2011 at 04:42 PM
@Babs, hope you enjoy it!
@ExpatOnTheGo, thanks so much for your thoughts! I think she does do an ebook, although I'm not entirely sure.
Posted by: Noel | February 08, 2011 at 11:30 AM
Wow! I love red it supposed a colors of love and I like heart shape it supposed to be a sign of love. :)
isey
Posted by: pheromones for women | March 28, 2011 at 08:08 PM